[hoo boy. yeah. okay, she takes a second to kind of just... not vomit. deep breath.]
It pulled that much. [she says, quiet, almost to herself. and then she shifts - turns to face him, expression rough. she reaches out to rest a hand on his arm.]
['It's fine'. He wants to say. 'It wasn't real." Is his follow-up, because if it wasn't real and if it was fine, then he wouldn't have to think about it. But this isn't only about him, is it? These hurts aren't only his to bear, that path was made ages ago -- maybe by the person sitting here with him, hand on his arm.
he keeps his voice light, even as his expression breaks -- just a little]
...You know, I thought Itto was being a huge pain in the ass the entire time we were there.
But he refused to play. Didn't even have to think twice. Just said no. [he sounds just shy of envious] I made a different choice.
[his expression breaks a little, and she leans closer. donks their foreheads together carefully, just resting there for a second. affection the only way she knows how.]
I made a different one, too. [she says, finally.] Because it was the only choice. Death for everybody, or someone getting out alive. Fighting wasn't going to cut it. Not that time. The whole point of it was all leading to one thing.
[...]
You should've never been in that position to begin with.
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We heard voices. A man asking why they killed someone. And the other person saying they didn't, that their soul was with theirs.
...There were people we knew there. I felt like -- I had to make a choice, between killing them to live, or just dying in that room.
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It pulled that much. [she says, quiet, almost to herself. and then she shifts - turns to face him, expression rough. she reaches out to rest a hand on his arm.]
... I'm sorry. [she says, genuine. she'll start there.]
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he keeps his voice light, even as his expression breaks -- just a little]
...You know, I thought Itto was being a huge pain in the ass the entire time we were there.
But he refused to play. Didn't even have to think twice. Just said no. [he sounds just shy of envious] I made a different choice.
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I made a different one, too. [she says, finally.] Because it was the only choice. Death for everybody, or someone getting out alive. Fighting wasn't going to cut it. Not that time. The whole point of it was all leading to one thing.
[...]
You should've never been in that position to begin with.
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...You shouldn't have been either.
[even though it felt as if the duty was carved into his bones, as if cavaliers were made to bear that kind of thing.]
Is that how you...? [died?]
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If what I heard from Tuuri was right, I did near exactly what Hunter did. For Harrow.
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Lavi closes his eye, and then opens it so he can see Gideon more clearly.]
...I can't imagine how you felt when you woke up here.
[to die, and then to suddenly be alive, with Harrow in the same cell?]
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I was pissed. [...] But I should've expected it, really.
[silence for a moment.]
But I did it of my own choosing. You didn't have that. And it's crap. It's utter crap that you got torn up because of this.