[congratulations on your new sister or like, dog, i guess!!!
she nods a bit, when he offers that, and gestures for him to go. she'll be silent for a moment - the hamster in her brain is working really hard - and then:]
lavi's quiet for a moment, and it seems just for the briefest of moments -- that he might not say anything at all. then,]
I'm not supposed to feel anything.
[then he laughs a little, scrubbing at his face]
I know it sounds stupid. [EDGY, HE MEANS] But that was how I was raised, trained for. I keep telling myself to keep a neutral eye on everything, and I keep fucking it up.
[sometimes you are a big dog on the inside lavi it can't be helped]
Oh, you're one of those. [one of what, gideon] Fuck that. Just do what you're going to do. You're dead, it's not like it matters what the alive people told you to do.
[oof, that hits her in a way that she isn't expecting.
there's a pause, and then she carefully reaches over to him to wrap an arm around his shoulders. a little hesitantly, because she isn't quite sure how to... do this? how to Friends. but. she's trying.]
[there's a flash of surprise on his face, like sitting in a dark room and only now remembering that there can be light too, and then his face scrunches up into a grin, endeared.
Gideon really did most of the work here, but Lavi's happy to follow up, tugging her into a proper hug!!! Give him an inch and he'll take a mile!!]
...Thanks.
[even if this moment reminds him again how alive the both of them feel,]
Think this'll just confuse me more... but it's a nice feeling this time.
[well, okay, he hugs her and she has NO IDEA what to do with that. like she doesn't hate it, but he will feel her go stiff and like ??? for a good couple of seconds before very cautiously hugging him back. the arm around the shoulder was her mile! how do you hug or touch people affectionately!!
she's trying, though. and she doesn't pull away until he does. maybe a girl is touch starved.]
[SWEET GIDEON the way Lavi is used to hugging touch-starved gremlins with hearts of gold... He thinks it's nice to hug someone and not have them immediately grab him by the throat after?? He'll always treasure this moment, eventually sliding away to give Gideon back her space, though the air about him is more comfortable than before.]
Maybe I should just keep things separate then, like you said. My old life and... this one.
[it is nice, to have someone reach for you with the intent of comfort and not pain. she looks a little flustered when he pulls away, but it's fine.]
I think it's the easiest way to do it. [...] A hell of a way to start over, but hey. If you think of it as a rebirth sort of thing, you don't have to get anything from your life before fucked up.
but he'll also remember this too, and he nods a little, because it makes sense. though...]
You know -- in the smallest, slightest chance that we somehow all make it to the end, and that we all kick Satan's ass enough times that he lets us all go --
[it already sounds like such a fairy tale, but Lavi's thoughts are wandering as usual, thinking of all the what-if's and impossibilities.]
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I'll be honest, if I ate, I'd throw it up. [she's kind of just numbed out, a little. all of her anger was yesterday.]
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also gideon, that's so valid. He looks at her for a moment then tucks the apple in his coat pocket.]
Wanna take a walk? Feel like stretching my legs somewhere further than that bar.
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she nods a bit, when he offers that, and gestures for him to go. she'll be silent for a moment - the hamster in her brain is working really hard - and then:]
... You can talk about it to me. If you need to.
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lavi's quiet for a moment, and it seems just for the briefest of moments -- that he might not say anything at all. then,]
I'm not supposed to feel anything.
[then he laughs a little, scrubbing at his face]
I know it sounds stupid. [EDGY, HE MEANS] But that was how I was raised, trained for. I keep telling myself to keep a neutral eye on everything, and I keep fucking it up.
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Oh, you're one of those. [one of what, gideon] Fuck that. Just do what you're going to do. You're dead, it's not like it matters what the alive people told you to do.
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It's this place. I'm dead, but I feel the most alive I've ever been, hanging around everyone. Makes it hard to remember sometimes.
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there's a pause, and then she carefully reaches over to him to wrap an arm around his shoulders. a little hesitantly, because she isn't quite sure how to... do this? how to Friends. but. she's trying.]
Funny story. Same.
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Gideon really did most of the work here, but Lavi's happy to follow up, tugging her into a proper hug!!! Give him an inch and he'll take a mile!!]
...Thanks.
[even if this moment reminds him again how alive the both of them feel,]
Think this'll just confuse me more... but it's a nice feeling this time.
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she's trying, though. and she doesn't pull away until he does. maybe a girl is touch starved.]
... Yeah. God, confusing is a good term.
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Maybe I should just keep things separate then, like you said. My old life and... this one.
[squints. it really is confusing...]
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I think it's the easiest way to do it. [...] A hell of a way to start over, but hey. If you think of it as a rebirth sort of thing, you don't have to get anything from your life before fucked up.
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but he'll also remember this too, and he nods a little, because it makes sense. though...]
You know -- in the smallest, slightest chance that we somehow all make it to the end, and that we all kick Satan's ass enough times that he lets us all go --
[it already sounds like such a fairy tale, but Lavi's thoughts are wandering as usual, thinking of all the what-if's and impossibilities.]
You think we're gonna remember any of this?
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... I hope so. [she says finally, glancing at him.] I really do.